i don't like being alone with my thoughts. sometimes i wonder how i got to the point where i just absolutely hate everything. i have no idea how i've gotten there, but its sad. its so fucking sad. i think about what i want, and then i discover that i actually don't want it because what makes me happy can be taken from me so easily so i hide behind this though skin and try to be tough and try not to be vulnerable because i don't want to feel like an idiot in the end. but then all i get is this empty feeling and i'm so pathetic and so sad and so lonely. but i know i'm not alone and i know my friends love me and i love my friends so much. but i feel like so much is missing but i have no idea what. and i'm not looking for that something because i'm too scared i'll find it so i just have this resentment towards everything.
fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
i dont know what exactly i'm trying to say. this is some sort of cry for help, i guess.
anyways, happy valentines day folks.
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