drizzles and hurricanes.

remember that time in front of my house, in your car, at 2am? we hung out. it was late, you dropped off our friend, and we stayed in your car and you had your ipod on and we were chatting about life. i had my head on your lap and i told you i was so happy to have met you. you asked me why and i said because.. . i didn't know how to answer you. i was too scared to tell you the reason. i was happy to have met you because i fell for you. and i was too scared and too shy to admit it so i said "just because".
and now i think its gone. not our friendship. our friendship is strong and i'm grateful to have you in my life. but a part of me wants more, and that part of me is screaming right now. it's screaming because you're so disgustingly close to me, but you're so out of reach. you will never be mine and that hurts and that part of me wants to punch holes in my wall until my knuckles bleed. but all of me knows how lucky i am to have a friendship with you. and all of me knows that this is nobody's fault. but half of me wants to be happy for what i have, and happy for you because you deserve the world. and the other wants to cry for what i don't have because i'm such a jealous, selfish, bitch. and now i'm emotionally unstable, and i get excited when you're around, and i'm sad when you're not and i don't know how much more of this instability i can handle.