i'm cynical & jaded.

and without your knowing, i let you get the best of me. let's face it, i gave you a part of me that i so desperately wish i could take back. theres so many things that i want to do, like punch you in the face. or step back, take a breathe, and walk away from it all. or just tell you everything on my mind, have you understand. hell - have myself understand. because you were a first, never before in my life have i ever felt this way about someone, and it scares me how indescribable, how unattainable this feeling is. its impossible to escape, i've been running for so long, and every now and then, i get a slap in the face, a punch in the gut & a knife in the back. this hits me like a brick wall. so many of the same posts, over and over and over again. a destructive circle is what it is. you are the most complicated person. you will be my demise. i hate you. but at the same time, i don't. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. i'm a mess. i'm a fucking fucking mess.